


Resounding and Breaking

by Inertia



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-19
Updated: 2013-07-19
Packaged: 2017-12-20 16:10:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/889241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inertia/pseuds/Inertia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Guinevere knows Arthur would have been much happier if he had remained ignorant and loved her a little less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Resounding and Breaking

**Author's Note:**

> this is an AU! It will be apparent once you read.
> 
> I was going to write a whole series with this being one of the chapters but it never happened  
> so I thought that the least I could do was publish this as a stand alone.  
> ___

### Resounding and Breaking

  
               They were in their shared chambers, alone, with the entrance locked. Her wrist ached from where Arthur had grabbed it earlier. With the look on his face Guinevere thought that he might reach to strike her and she flinched. She relaxed when she realised he hadn’t moved.  
  
               Arthur simply stared at her with an intensity that cut through her spirit. She felt it painfully. His jaw was emphasized and strong in the way that he clenched his teeth. His mouth was securely shut though she could tell that a flood of words were kept at bay behind his closed lips. Guinevere knew her situation was dire. She was the King’s wife, now become a faithless woman, caught in the act of her sins with his most trusted and honoured knight. She would not be cast out or banished though she had heard of others who had been committed to the sentence in other kingdoms. Their marriage had, in its union, brought too much prosperity and peace to Camelot for it to be thrown away. She still commanded authority by the name of her father and the land he held. No, she would not suffer any physical loss nor would her reputation degrade. But she knew that she had, irreversibly, destroyed her relationship with Arthur. She had taken his trust and broken it completely. The bond had been cut. There would be consequences beyond her imaginings that would sprout from this moment. Like weeds taking seed in the cracks of the paved roads.  
  
               Anger left Arthur’s face visibly. His cheeks lost the stain of its previous rage and in moments was powdered white and pale. His eyes burned no longer but were filled instead with a glazy light.  
  
               “Why would you do this, Guinevere, why?” asked Arthur in a voice softer than the quiet around them. Guinevere couldn’t find it within herself to give a response. So many answers had jumped forward from her mind when he asked his question but she could not, or she would not, give voice to them. What could she say? That it was a mistake? That her actions with Lancelot were not of her own will? That she was sorry? They would not justify the feelings inside her and would only be lies. Arthur spoke again the silence of her missing reply.  
  
               “I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer me. In truth it would probably be better for me at least if you could listen to what I have to say…. I just…don’t understand why. Is it because you feel I don’t love you? Am I insufficient somehow? What am I lacking?” Arthur paused here, his gaze still strongly locked with hers. “Still, don’t answer, for the answer is obvious. I say I don’t understand the motives for your actions but it is not so, I understand them but I do not want to accept them. I don’t want to have to accept the fact that my heart belongs to you while yours belongs to another.”  
  
               Guinevere broke eye contact with Arthur first. It was hard to look back at one so open and honest, who had laid down his heart so vulnerably and completely, while with a heart that was closed, guarded, which would not admit its own deceit.  
  
               “Did you ever love me Guinevere? Were your feelings ever genuine? Oh by heaven, did you ever even experience any sort of feeling towards me?” he asked with sudden ferocity. “I feel like a fool now for even thinking that you did!”  
  
               She could only direct her gaze to the ground and stare harder and harder with each word spout in her direction. She memorized the embroidery of the rug beneath her feet in attempt to shrug off the sentences. The thread beneath her soles depicted a gilded dragon with a garland of roses clutched in its claws gazing at the sun’s rays. In the next scene a silvery sparrow swooped down to a bed of wildflowers, while a third scene showed a knight on his steed while a group of blushing maidens handed him tokens of ribbons. Arthur spoke once more,  
  
               “At first, I had no desire for our marriage. But what I had is the responsibility for the future of this kingdom. If I were to accept the proposal of your hand from your father, I would not do it for myself, but for the people. I was resigned to suffer a loveless and empty partnership if it meant the security of this land. Still I dreaded the day when we would meet and our hands become bound. Yet, I was hopeful. Or perhaps, I felt hope spring within me, as small as it was, when I laid my eyes on you. I found your nature gentle, kind, and compassionate. Your appearance is pleasing and our characters complimented each other. When we conversed I thought you intelligent and considerate, words flowed effortlessly between us. I thought that I could learn to love you. What pleasure we could glean from the moments we spent together I treasured, and in time I began to treasure you. And I thought that you reciprocated my own honest feelings.” Arthur paused and swallowed thickly. “We were wed and I admit that it brought such joy unknown to me previously, the thought that you were mine, and I yours. Perhaps I was naïve in my thinking. I love you Guinevere. I do.” As he said this all sense of composure crumbled away. Tears rushed forward in his eyes and a small gasp escaped his lips. He sat down at the table and began to weep silently.  
  
               Guinevere stood rigidly fixed to her position on the rug. Her mind raced. She should reach out to comfort her husband but the events of the previous few hours contradicted that motion. Her actions were decided when at that moment hard footsteps were heard outside the chamber and the door opened abruptly. Merlin burst through the doorway, barefoot and in his sleep clothes. Guinevere could not help but be distracted by his appearance. She stared at him startled by his attire for she had never seen him without his cloak and the layers of fabric he clothed himself in. But she dropped her gaze quickly as his eyes met hers. A mixture of emotions coloured his face. There was anger, a touch of shock and disbelief, sadness. She was surprised to see a look of pity, however fleeting it was, to cross his face. How could he pity her? Or was that look meant for the one behind her? She could not tell. The last look she was able to see from his face was one of crushing dismay. An emotion that made his shoulders droop and his spirit deflate as he took slow, deliberate steps past her and towards his friend.  
  
               Arthur had not looked up at Merlin’s arrival and he did nothing to acknowledge his presence when Merlin reached out tentatively to place a careful hand on the King’s shoulder. Merlin glanced up at Guinevere, catching her unwilling eye and through some artful expression of his gaze she knew that she was not welcome in the room. Her feet found themselves capable of taking the steps necessary to turn her body round and carry her swiftly away. When her legs deemed that they were a sufficient distance from Arthur they altogether stopped and she found them giving out. She sank to the cold of the stone halls and gathered her knees to her chest much like she had done when she was a child. She felt in her mind like a child, hiding away after committing some foolish or naughty deed against her father. Though the guilt was so much worse and infinitely deeper. Water formed at the corners of her eyes and then began to make wet lines down the panes of her face. It was barely within her capacity to keep herself from breaking down and to scream her tears into the night. She still had her own dignity to keep.  
  



End file.
